Feb 122005

Being a native North Carolinian, I can remember Senator Jesse Helms. I will always remember a political argument I once had with a Helms supporter. She was saying, “You may not agree with him, but at least you always know where he stands.” I proceeded to inquire about the Senator’s position on several fairly important issues facing the country at the time. As you might have guessed, she didn’t have a clue as to his positions on those issues.

But she most definitely knew where he stood on the National Endowment for the Arts. For those of you that might be too young to remember, Jesse went on several tirades about the government funding of controversial art. Despite Jesse being a senior senator, you never really heard a thing from him for the first five years of his term. Then, suddenly, he’d come charging out attacking someone or something that was an easy mark. And that is how it was that everyone “knew where he stood on the issues.”

But you give the devil his due. Karl Rove has managed to learn the lesson of Jesse, just on a grander and more destructive scale. Jesse always had a target. For many years it was the commies, and for a while it was Fidel Castro. Then, they all became pretty insignificant, so he began to attack gay people, people with AIDS (they all deserved you know, because of their depraved lifestyle).

George and the current crop of “moral Republican’s” are taking a lesson from Jesse’s playbook. They don’t have commies to attack. Saddam Hussein became a non-issue pretty quickly, Osama proved to hard to capture, so he had to minimized. So, that only left the queers. As you know, we’re all out to destroy marriage, and its such a bedrock institution we must protect it from gay people. Never mind that straight people have done a great job wiping out the significance of the institution all on their own.

So, I sort of long for the days of the Evil Empire (as Regan put it). If the pols still had the commies to be attacking, they’d probably leave Spongebob, Tinky Winky, and all gay people to lead their lives in freedom and security.

So, be sure you Republicans know where you representatives stand on gay marriage, baggy pants, and the ethics of the members of their own bodies. It won’t be hard.

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