Mar 062005

The Supreme Court has left intact a critical Alabama state law which bans the foulest form of evil in the modern world:

Genital stimulators

The Supremes refused to hear challenges to an Alabama law that forbids the sale or distribution of “any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs,” Reuters reports. The law was aimed not only at public vendors of sexual enhancement but also at the growing number of private “Tupperware-style parties,” where suburbanites gather to peruse the latest marriage-goosing gadgets.

I guess because the Alabama law leaves in certain appropriate exceptions, the Court let it stand because they get to keep their vibrators. In their compassionate conservatism, the Bama Mullahs allow the sale of sexual devices “for a bona fide … legislative, judicial or law enforcement purpose.” What fun we can have discussing what comprises a bona fide “legislative” use of the “vibrators, dildos, anal beads” and other stimulators covered by the law? I can think of? few things they can do with them.

On second thought, don’t ask. Instead, let’s just rejoice in the knowledge that, thanks to the Supreme Court, Alabama politicians, judges and sheriffs can diddle themselves to their heart’s content with all manner of manipulators, while your ordinary desperate housewife will have to do without them.

Please protect me from myself.

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