Myself and another person with whom I work have recently conducted our own scientific study (scientific at least to the extent of most of the radical rights requirements), and we’ve determined that the cause of homosexuality must be Coors Beer. Well actually, that’s not completely true…it’s the Colorado Rocky Mountain Spring Water.
Our study is based on the recent revelations of all the gay Colorado radical right preachers coming out. (There have been two UPDATED: three…that’s about the sample size the radical right can cite for conversion therapy success, so it must be a large enough sampling.) Clearly, there’s something in the water in Colorado!
Now, obviously there are gay people outside of Colorado. We believe Coors Beer must be the transmission vehicle. He and I both drank a few Coors Beers during our high school and college days. That’s a sampling of two…once again, about enough for religious wingnuts to call it a scientific fact.
And this only makes sense. The Coors family are of German heritage. I think it’s a huge plot on their part. “The Family” uses their beer, laced with the devil’s own Colorado Rocky Mountain Spring Water, to spread homosexuality across America and, as the leader’s on the religious right remind us, cause the destruction of American society. This will leave America open to a take over by the German’s of the 4th Reich. And it’ll just be a cake walk for them, as we’ll be all sissy’ed out.
See, it just all makes sense doesn’t it? Whew! I’m sure glad we got that all figured out. I was getting confused.