Jun 152015
Photo of Franklin Graham

Franklin Graham

Dear Frankie:

It’s time we had a little talk, you and me. I know this whole idea that gay people (and all the LBT rest of them) might be starting to get some equal rights bothers you tremendously. I can’t figure out any sort of leap of logic that makes this such a big issue for you, unless, of course it somehow affects you directly.

It won’t affect your ministry. You’re still free to pray to whichever god/s or goddess/es you’d like, in whatever way you choose, and when you’d like. You can attend whatever church, temple, mosque, or other holy place you want on whatever day you choose. You can crawl into the pulpit of that holy place and say whatever awful and ugly things you want to say about your LGBT brothers and sisters, and any misogynistic thing you want about women. Even free to do some poverty shaming too. Yep, still free to do all that.

You “ministry” still gets to hire and fire whoever it wants, based on whatever criteria you select, because it is a religious organization.

The ability of gay people to marry really doesn’t have any impact on the ability of straight people to marry, but I know you already know that…you just can’t some up with a better argument. Gay people marrying doesn’t really affect your marriage, as best I can tell, unless you want it to. Like if you’ve just been waiting all this time to come out  once you can marry whoever you’re sleeping with on the down-low. I just don’t know how it negatively impacts your life, so that’s the only conclusion I can come to. The idea of gay sex and marriage is so appealing to you, that if normalized, you think every straight man, you included, will convert. (If that happens Frank, you let me know. That could be a problem, so I’ll help you work out a solution.)

You’ve joined in blaming all sorts of natural disasters on gay marriage and gay people. There are a couple of flaws with that logic Frank. First off, if we do have that kind of power, then you should stop fucking around with our lives. But mostly, if it’s just your god’s punishment, why does he keep inflicting it on the likes of Texas, Louisiana, and so many of the other southern states? They are the most rabidly anti-gay in the country, but having either droughts, flooding, tornadoes, or hurricanes. Why is that Massachusetts, the state that’s had gay marriage for over 10 years, is so prosperous? One of the best education systems in the country, a high standard of living, one of the nations lowest teen pregnancy rates, and one of the lowest divorce rates. (Those last two, by the way, the highest rates of those seem to be in those states you consider so “godly.”)

I know preachers like exposition and illustrations, so let me use one that this situation kind of reminds me of:

It’s the story of Barbara. Barbara found herself in dire trouble. Her business had gone bust and she was in serious financial trouble. She was so desperate that she decided to ask God for help. She began to pray.

“God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”

Lotto night came and somebody else won. Barbara again prayed. “God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.”

Lotto night came and Barbara still had no luck. Once again she prayed. “My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Barbara was confronted by the voice of God himself. “Barbara, you are going to have to meet me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”

Frank, you need to take a look at what’s going on around you. The people of this country have turned against you. They’ve not turned against God. The surveys showing people leaving the church in droves do not show a corresponding decrease in a belief in God, or a desire for a spiritual life. They’re not leaving God, they’re leaving the Church of Franklin, and Mike Huckabee, and Tony Perkins, and Brian Brown, and Bryan Fischer, and Janet Mefford, and Maggie Gallagher, and Robert Jeffress, and most of the Catholic Bishops, not to mention a lot of other krazy kristian kooks.

These folks have seen the signs. They have seen God’s displeasure with those that deny a seat at the table to those who are different, to those who are in need, to those hurting. These folks have watched you and your kind use God’s church to your own ends, to try to justify your hate and bigotry, to turn away the stranger, to create an exclusive club of people just like you. And they are not having any of it Frank. They are no longer buying the snake oil you are selling, and will create something better…something more Christ-like.

At some point, you’ve got to meet God halfway. You can’t create him in your image, nor imbibe him with your character flaws. If God hates all the same people you do, you have created a god in your own image, and are not worshiping the God of Abraham.

Karma’s already jumped up and bit you in the ass Frank. You decided to get all cute and jerk you big bank accounts (what’s a non-profit religious organization supposedly dedicated to helping the poor doing with big bank accounts anyways…why’s the money not being spent on those needy people you claim to help, or paying the promised salaries of those you hire [yes, I know about how you treat your employees you entitled little prick]) out of one bank, to put them in another, and lo and behold, that new bank happens to also be OK with LGBT people. You can try to paint this in whatever way you want, but karma caught up with you, and now you just look foolish. The veil is being torn asunder Frank.

Let’s be honest, we both know you’d be nothing without your last name. I grew up listening to some of your father’s preaching, and I never heard hate and bigotry coming from him. I don’t know how he feels about gay people and their rights, but I know the recent statements attributed to him were not penned by him. It’s sad, but he’s not able. We know those came from you, and shame on you for putting your words of hate in your father’s mouth, instead of taking up his words of hope and encouragement.

So how many times, Frank, is God going to have hit you over the head? It’s up to you, but I promise you, he’s going to continue to hit you over the head.


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