Behind The Scenes of The Filibuster

May 24, 2005January 25, 2012 B. John 133 Views

I’m sure you’ve heard by now there was a deal worked out by Senate moderates to avoid a debilitating fight over filibusters. Mr. Sun has obtained details of the behind-the-scenes negotiations that resulted in the agreement. As in all successful negotiations, each side got a little bit of what they wanted. According to my sources, the following compromises were part of the bargain:

Robert Byrd to be humanely put down.
Dudes may go steady with dudes — but only in the San Francisco metropolitan area, and only if they are totally ashamed of it.
United States may invade one non-Christian country per year with no questions asked.
Zell Miller gets his duel — with Tyson at The Mirage, Don King promoting.
Social Security completely handed over to Halliburton to administer as they see fit.
Senate rules amended so that only a simple majority is necessary to override veto of James Dobson.
New carpet and drapes at Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location.
Bob Dole warned to stop bogarting his special, private stash of 100% pure Viagra.
All records, depictions, accounts, rebroadcast, or retransmission of Jenna Bush at some club pounding beers is prohibited without the express written permission of Laura Bush.
Former President Clinton quietly given Lynndie England’s phone number.

B. John

Records and Content Management consultant who enjoys good stories and good discussion. I have a great deal of interest in politics, religion, technology, gadgets, food and movies, but I enjoy most any topic. I grew up in Kings Mountain, a small N.C. town, graduated from Appalachian State University and have lived in Atlanta, Greensboro, Winston-Salem, Dayton and Tampa since then.