363 Tons of Cold Hard Cash Shipped to Iraq – No Kidding

On December 12, 2003, $1.5 billion was shipped to Iraq, initially “the largest pay out of U.S. currency in Fed history,” according to an e-mail cited by committee members. It was followed by more than $2.4 billion on June 22, 2004, and $1.6 billion three days later. The CPA turned over sovereignty on June 28.

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Ted Haggard Cured in Three Weeks

This just in from the Denver Post. Ted Haggard is not gay! Haggard, who is apparently ready to jet off to Iowa or Missouri to become a psychologist, told a four-member oversight board that after three weeks of intense counseling he is now “completely heterosexual” and that “his sexual contact with men was limited to his accuser” according to one of the pastors on that board. Amazing. And James Dobson said it would take 4 or 5 years!

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Terrorists At the Cartoon Network

Over the past several weeks Cartoon Network, to promote their television show Aqua Teen Hunger Force, placed boards with LED renditions of the mooninites across ten cities. This would have been fine, except for the person who saw one of them attached to a girder above a busway near the Sullivan Square T station. On Wednesday, some frightened little brain-dead Bostonian spotted Ignignokt and Err in Boston – and called the police.

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Latest Study Reveals Actual Cause of Homosexuality – Coors Beer

Myself and another person with whom I work have recently conducted our own scientific study (scientific at least to the extent of most of the radical rights requirements), and we’ve determined that the cause of homosexuality must be Coors Beer. Well actually, that’s not completely true…it’s the Colorado Rocky Mountain Spring Water.

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