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You Can Be Right and Still Handle Something Badly

November 5, 2026 B. John 22 Views 0 Comments Stoicism, moral courage, wisdom, Integrity, Temperance, justice, ethical choices, personal responsibility

This entry is in the series Journey Through Stoicism

This entry is in the series Lessons for Living Better

What would you do if doing the right thing might cost you your job? Early in my career, I faced an ethical dilemma involving a lucrative contract and a client who wanted us to deliberately make legal evidence difficult to find. We walked away from the opportunity, and I’ve never regretted that decision. But one question has stayed with me. What would I have done if the company’s owner had disagreed?

That experience got me thinking about the choices we make when we’re convinced we’re right. Sometimes the stakes are high, involving our livelihood or our principles. More often, they show up in everyday conversations, little white lies, and disagreements where our desire to win gets the better of our judgment. The Stoics understood that knowing what’s right is only part of the challenge. How we act on that knowledge matters just as much.

In You Can Be Right and Still Handle Something Badly, I explore the sometimes uncomfortable distance between our convictions and our conduct. Drawing on Stoic wisdom, a lesson from my professional life, and a little honest self-examination, I consider what it means to act with integrity when circumstances test us. And I leave readers with a question worth considering before their next difficult conversation. When you’re certain you’re right, will you also be proud of how you behaved?

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Oh, The Stories We Tell Ourselves

October 26, 2026November 5, 2026 B. John 125 Views 0 Comments overthinking, Friendship, assumptions, self-awareness, Stoic wisdom, Stoicism, Epictetus, Emotional Resilience, cognitive behavioral therapy

This entry is in the series Lessons for Living Better

This entry is in the series Journey Through Stoicism

Have you ever thought someone was angry with you, disappointed in you, or avoiding you, only to find out you were wrong? Our minds are great at filling in the blanks, especially when the people or relationships matter a lot to us. Sometimes we get so attached to our own explanations that we start treating them as facts.

For years, I worried that I’d somehow upset an old friend whose simple act of love and acceptance had meant more to me than he probably ever realized. When my occasional attempts to reconnect mostly went unanswered, I started to wonder what I’d done wrong. Eventually, I sent a heartfelt note, apologizing for anything that might have happened. His reply showed me how wrong my assumptions were.

Almost 2,000 years ago, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus warned us not to treat our judgments about events as if they were the events themselves. I was surprised to learn how much modern psychology agrees with this old idea. The founders of cognitive behavioral therapy were influenced by Stoic thinking, and years of research show the value of questioning the assumptions that cause us stress. It seems those old Stoics were onto something.

In The Stories We Tell Ourselves, the first essay in my new Ten Lessons in Living Well series, I look at how easily our thoughts can mislead us, especially when love, friendship, and uncertainty get mixed together. It’s a personal story about a friendship that still means a lot to me, and a reminder that not every thought in our minds deserves our belief or attention. Read the full essay and think about how often you’ve worried about a story your own mind made up.